Stick to it

My motivation should be stronger than this....

        Well those are my thoughts ever time I stop a workout routine. I can remember working out faithful while in college. It wasn't to look at guys nor be seen, it was simply for the joy of working out. I LOVED IT. I think the difference now is that I need and must work out in order to change my current situation. No I'm not all down on myself and feeling sorry for myself, nor am I going to blame things on my pregnancy (my daughter is 2 yrs old now). My problem area is the same like everyone else, pretty much, my abs. To be very frank about it, it is my lower abs. Just can't seem to shake it and I feel it has gotten bigger.
        My journey begin with high hopes, full of motivation, and ready to get it. Started out doing Hip Hop Abs, lasted a solid 2 weeks, then just died down. What happened? Not sure, assignments begin to roll in and time just escaped me. So yes basically I got lazy. Second try, same thing high hopes, full of motivation, and ready to get it! Started doing FocusT25 lasted a solid week! Now the problem with FocusT25 was that I was extremely dehydrated and had a constant headache throughout the entire week. I just couldn't seem to consume enough water to compensate for the amount of water I was loosing. My boyfriend was beginning to worry about me but by the end of the week I was feeling good. THEN I got sick and truly didn't feel like working out, so I didn't.
        So now I really want to get back in the swing of things and I know the reason that working out just isn't doing it for me is because it just isn't fun any more. I'm not working out just because I like it, I'm working out because I need to loose this tummy I've obtained! One of my amazing friends wants to do a long distance workout dedication session with me. So we are now going to be doing Insanity workouts! Yes I know...dehydration risk is high for real, but this time I know how much water to drink so I should be fine! I'm truly going to stick to it because we are going to call to check up on each other and keep track of each other's progress. We are doing the full 60day program as well! I'll keep you all updated on how this goes. I did the fit test yesterday and boy let me tell you...I was sweating! But cardio is what I need to loose this tummy!!
Stay tuned for the action!

I'm Back

Yes Yes!! It has been a while but I am back on. I've been away working and going to school to become an Occupational Therapy Assistant.

So things have been going well with me! My daughter is now 2 years old and I just feel like time has truly flew by! Currently she has strep throat and an ear infection in her right ear. So she isn't a happy little baby right now, but we are working with it. I was in the doctor office from 11:15am till 1:53pm! Sorry but for me that is a VERY long time. But I'm just happy she has been diagnosed and I'll be picking up her meds in a few from Walgreens.

Relationship wise, things have actually progressed and have been very well these days. He is working so hard to make sure everything is fine for us at the house, which I love and appreciate so much! Since I have quit things have been very...VERY tight, but we are making it through. Things are starting to come into place so we should be in a better place in November.

Oh and I'm trying to workout to get my sexy back:

I'll keep yall in the loop, hope everyone has been doing well!

Work at Trust

             Once trust has been taken out of a relationship it takes a lot of time and hard work to get it back. It doesn't happen over night and it actually takes work from both partners. Though many people feel that the one who caused the distrust (call them A) should do all the work, that is not true.
            See the other person (call them B) must also work to ensure that they are trying to trust the person again. B must not assume things and must stop looking at A under a microscope. B must also stop analyzing everything that A says and does. This may sound like a lot and it is but these things have to be done. Its not going to happen over night, but with time, B will be able to clear their mind of the thoughts and fearful feelings that have suddenly taken over.

            Now A has to do some work as well. They have to be an open book to B. They have to allow B to see their phone or emails when requested and not get upset if B is found sneaking into their personal things. At first this is going to be very hard for A, but they must believe that their actions have caused B to not believe anything they say nor do. If they allow B to see all these things then over time B will feel they have nothing to worry about and will become less suspicious. Yet if B keeps finding more things that make A look bad, then this is going to hinder the growth of trust.

1. So A needs to first decide if they want to be true to B or just end the relationship. 
2. Also B needs to decide if they are willing to work on trusting A or if its not worth it.
3. Finally and most importantly if the relationship is important to A then A must apologize to B and work on showing B daily how much they treasure their relationship. 

        Overall relationships require work and sometimes when bumps in the road happen, more work has to be involved but don't give up if its worth it...just put in more work.

Become Stronger

       My life isn't all bad and actually it is quite good as can be. Things have happened that I can't take back nor at this time wish to take back. Its like they say..what doesn't kill you does make you stronger. See all the things that I have been through have simply made me stronger and shown me who people truly are. Yes there has been many tears shed and many prayers have went up; but all in all its all good.

My Strong Leo and I

      My love has been doing a great job and has dramatically improved. Things have been so good and they continue to get better with each passing day. We truly are happy and our love is becoming deeper as it once was...actually deeper. This pain I've felt and still sadly feel has only proven that my love is merely human. He makes mistakes and all I can do is hope that he has learned from his mistakes. I'm praying that he has truly learned and will do things to make sure that never happens again. I can only accept it and move forward with my life. I also pray for strength because every day has it's challenges and the devil tempts me every day.
    Yes I will watch for the signs that all women watch for in their man, but I can't go crazy. I can't continue to drive myself crazy with worry and just fear for it happening again. I can't live like that and I can't let my daughter grow up with her mother acting like that. I want to show her how to trust her man and show him that she trusts him. I want her to be proud of her dad not sad because he caused her mom pain. I don't want her to see that. I've been getting better at checking my feelings and making sure I don't go off like I use to in the past. I guess its all a part of maturing and I'm starting to get to the point were its getting easier when I'm provoked.
   If you can relate then just work though it...if you feel it is worth it. If the person doesn't seem like they care and they are not at all regretful or they're doing the same shyt that they BEEN doing...then yea drop them!

Too Simple to be True

        How do relationships work? I use to think they were so much easier than ppl make them out to be. See once you know someone, you should know the do's n dont's of that person. Not saying your going to get it right every time but you should have a general idea.
       So what happens when you have a person that doesn't do the things to make you happy? What happens when they can't believe that its just THAT simple to please you? What happens when you find out they did those things for someone else...not you. Yet you try to work through it but they still don't do the things for you. They tell you they don't know why, they just can't....
        That's when you constantly are hurt. That's when feelings of being unimportant, not needed, nor cared for creep in. Trying to work past them alone is hard especially when the answer is so close. Your not asking for the stars and the moon but they make it seem like you're asking so much from them. They argue with you just to make you feel you're asking for too much...yet your heart n soul says you're not.
       See people are so focused on material things that they can't see that life is more than that. That I'm more than that. That a text means so much more...it means you took time out of your day..for me. TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME! It's so precious and people don't understand that. Showing me you care by taking the time out for me means the world to me, but like I mentioned its too simple....people believe things should be harder than that.
     So I still believe relationships can be so much easier...people just make them extent difficult.

Something you won't or can't do...someone else will.

Happy

       Woke up feeling great! Miss. L laying next to me and she looks so cute! She is just growing like crazy and already she thinks she is grown; telling me no and walking away from me.
       I'm enjoying being a mommy!

Insight in me

Your dominant sense is SIGHT - Your dominant sense - soFeminine.co.uk: "emotional: you're quick to spot and feel other people's�emotions, and you're good at telling what people are thinking.�You feel their joy or pain easily and it affects you."

This is so me!! I can feel when people are upset and it DOES really bother me. Its like their emotions become mine...

Work n Love

Those two words should go together...Love and Work because they just do. 

       The love I have for my daughter makes me work hard to provide n care for her. The love I have for her pushes me to work with her, to ensure that she learns right from wrong. I want to help her but I also know she needs to do things on her own. I am so in love with my little girl! Seeing her brings me great joy. Don't get me wrong, at times I'm frustrated with her; even angry but I still love her.

LaShai and I

       The love I share for her father is a different t kind of love yet it still requires work as well. Daily work. Sometimes to save from having a pity argument I hold my tongue and don't speak. Everything shouldn't be about winning or losing, in a relationship it should be about what's best. Now there are moments when I MUST speak up for my own sanity! Lol

         See if you don't want to work at the love you have then I feel bad for your partner. I've been there...doing all the work and feeling so alone. It is really not a good feeling at all. Some days I feel like I'm back at square one and doing everything alone, but I know that is truly not the case. Yet is seems that way at times. Things have been improving between my daughter's father and I; hopefully they will continue to improve. I know things won't go back to before I found out because a piece of me that truly loved him died that day, but I think it can be better than what it is now. I actually believe that this can only make us stronger..well make me stronger. Only time will tell and with much prayer my feelings towards him will be more positive than their current negative.

I'll keep ya updated on my progress! :)

They said YES

OMG!! WE GOT THE APARTMENT!!

      We shall be moving on to good ole' Jacksonville in July!! We have been searching for an apartment complex who would allow us to move in without jobs...it has been so hard! We have been to over 30 complexes in Jacksonville but none would allow us to move in without having some kind of income coming in first. I'm not upset because it makes sense..people want to make sure they are going to get paid.
      But we found this wonderful complex who is going to let us pay 5 months rent up front and we can move on in. Now we do plan on getting jobs once we are there, but every other place wanted us to have jobs already and that wasn't happening any time soon. Now I am all smiles and happy.

On to Jacksonville we go...at the end of July of course..but at-least we have an apartment now!! :)

Moving Forward...

        Sometimes life just gets hard but you gotta keep moving forward. Heart-break and torn but still moving on with life. Yes I want the lovely family photo and the good life but only time will tell.
       My daughter is now walking and we are all moving. Yes future hubby, wonderful daughter, n I shall be leaving Tally! So yes my life is about to change yet again but I'm ready. My mind is more open yet my heart is more closed but everything has it's gives n takes.....right?

I Got This

        Help.. that's something I really need to get use to. I don't know why I find it hard to let my BF help me out with LaShai. Tonight my BF wanted to bathe her, now I love bath time but I let him since he has NEVER bathed her before. It felt weird watching him, but it was nice that he wanted to do it in the first place. So I walked him through everything and he actually did a great job!

        Now I didn't really need help but it was nice to receive it. I just like doing things my way and I think that's were my problem really lies. Oh and how I don't want people thinking I can't do things myself because I can! I have to work on that because we have a daughter now and she needs to know that BOTH her parents are here...not just mommy all the time. I don't try to push him away but I just want him to graduate and focus on finally finishing.
        So here is the kicker...I love being a "Stay At Home Mom!" It is simply great! I enjoy spending time with my daughter and not having to worry about interacting with rude customers all day. I'm not to thrilled about going to work tomorrow either, but I know we need to income to come in so that we can save up. I have a credit card I really need to pay off and my loans will start coming in for me to pay soon, so I need the least amount of bills as possible. My job isn't that bad, but staying at home all day with my daughter is just a dream job. I don't miss ANYTHING and I get to play with her. 3 or 4 days working out of 7 isn't all that bad either, so at least there will still be days that I'm home with her ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT...just sad that I can't just work from home...

Welcome Little One

So LaShai is here!! She is too too cute and just my little mini me!!

Seriously she is!! She is dramatic, active, hyper, and goofy....all the things her mommy is! :)

She was born July 26, 2011 at 12:25am. I know I'm late putting it up here, but things have really been moving and I've been pretty busy being a new mommy!!

I'm loving my new mom status! Some days are tough especially during her growth spurts but things are all good. She is exclusively on breastmilk so things get interesting when she wants to pull up to the breasturant every hour, so I pump as well. I've been doing well so far and I finally start work soon! Lets see how that goes...

Eat a Meal

So I'm not even hungry but I still have to eat. It's crazy because I don't get hungry nor thirsty. I'll spend half the day not eating anything. So now I just eat lunch and make sure I.make myself eat breakfast. Dinner is a given because I'm usually hungry by then.
I wonder if anyone else feels or felt like this while pregnant....

Kick me

This little girl just kicks and Yes I love it.

Sad

I feel like the distance between us is getting worse in a way not better. I know there are so many hormones going thru me, but he told me that he feels it too. I mean we don't do things together and now that I'm thinking about it...we truly don't do things together.

OUCH..

Today was pretty good! I was able to chill out with a good friend. I dyed her hair and re-twisted her locks for her, we also watched this crazy movie called Case 28..or was it Case 29..which ever it was crazy. The girl was so evil! It just freaked me out and I so need to keep praying over my baby EVERY SINGLE DAY! I mean just things happen and I just want a healthy baby.

She's already getting pretty strong. I can feel her movements more and when she kicks..OMG..she kicks!! :) But my sciatic nerve pain was so intense that I couldn't even go to work today. I had to call in and just stay at home. I felt so bad because I had to leave m

y co-worker hanging, but she'll understand. My hip was in so much pain, that I feel at my boyfriends house trying to go to the bathroom. My leg like completely gave out on me. Boss, the do

g, helped me up by letting me support my weight on him. Once done my boyfriend had to lift me up and place me in the bed. He also rolled me over and just basically helped me get comfortable. He was such a huge help and I would have been so miserable if he wasn't there to help me out. My hip feels much better today though. I walked to the store with my friend and I've just been moving a lot better. The nurse sent me some stretches and I plan on doing a few of those before I go to sleep tonight. This hip pain is no joke though, it seriously hurt.

I'm glad I'm feeling much better though. I just hope it doesn't hurt like that tomorrow cuz I gotta go to work and make this MONEY!

Yep Yep

Wow, reading my last blog made me think..."Humm, I really said I wasn't ready for kids." Well thats out the door!

Yep, I am currently pregnant..27 weeks to be exact...and I'm loving it. I mean beside the pregnancy aches and pains, I really do enjoy feeling her moving around in there. Mentally I've been preparing myself for her arrival..oh yes I'm expecting a girl (team purple all the way) as well! :) Her due date is set for July 21st!

My boyfriend has been nothing less than supportive. He rubs my feet, puts lotion on my tummy, and even talks to her. He still feels weird talking to her (my belly), but he's slowly getting the hang of it. I can't believe that I'm almost in my 3rd trimester! Its so close! Many friends have given us baby things already and I'm more than happy to take anything!

Pains...oh yes...pains..well more like pain. My left hip has really started to kick into over drive with this pain. I mean its more like an ache, but it sucks because I'll just walking and my leg will just give out! Definitely not a good look as I'm walking around on campus! My nurse told me that it's common and I just need to stretch and make sure I keep exercising. Actually I'm going to have to start back since I did stop for a while. That might actually be why it has started hurting so seriously. I'll exercise and hopefully it'll help!

Sincerely,

To Be (Mom)

Second Thought

Well I do love my boyfriend so much and his dog...our dog...my dog...is annoying but I love him too very much. I like it when he cuddles up beside me when I'm sleeping because my boyfriend is at work or when I cry and he whines with me...some how that is so soothing. Its really cute too because he'll knock me with his nose and try to lick my face so that I'll stop crying. Usually its not anything major..I just tend to get emotional sometimes.

I do really love my boyfriend's dog..he just gets on my nerves.....but at the end of the day being without him wouldn't be an option because I'm in too deep and I would miss him oh so very much...

No kids

OMG!! Okay I love my boyfriend...he is amazing....but HIS DOG!!! OMG!! He is so damn annoying!! He gets on my damn nerves and he reminds me everyday of how NOT ready for kids I am. Yet I ask myself will I ever be ready for kids....assuming some people are not READY to be parents but things do happen.

Let's talk about this. His dog wakes us up around 7 or 8, even if we walked him really late the night before, it doesn't matter. He just wants us to woke up because HE feels its time for us to get up. This is SOOO annoying because if we had a late night, there is no sleeping in; well for my boyfriend yes because he can sleep through anything, but for me..NOPE! The dog will whine for NO DAMN REASON...just follow me around the house whining because he wants attention. He wont let me sleep because he is whining to get me to allow him to sleep in the bed. Just so damn spoiled!

Its just so hard sometimes because I care about my boyfriend and I enjoying being around his dog...sometimes...but a full time thing...is just not going to work right now for me. I know I'm selfish and really trying to do me, so that's why this is such a big problem for me. I need to be less selfish, but he is so annoying. He talks or does what he call "talking." He'll try so hard to talk to us when he is aggravated or bored, I just laugh and ask him to speak English since he wants to be heard. Those with pets may understand what I mean about the "talking" its just so strange, but at times so annoying. And it's crazy cuz I LOVE DOGS!! Thats all I've ever had my whole life, but this dog is spoiled beyond recognition. He'll whine if we don't share our food and sometimes he'll start barking at us! Can't even have anything romantic or sweet cuz he has to be in the mix or he'll start howling.

I need someone to just pray for me cuz PMSing right now and dealing with this dog is not going well.

Recap

Wow...things have really being picking up for me!!

So I have to hurry up and finish my test online so that I can start my training to become an assistant manager! I know exciting right?!? Well our computer is so sad at work, which means its going to take me longer to finish my test! The computer will freeze half way though my test or it'll keep repeating the same slides over and over again. Sometimes I reset the computer and other times I just give up!! This has been happening over the course of 3 weeks! I still have 8 more test to complete...I'll get it done!!

My love life has really been going in the right direction as well. We still have some bumps here and there but they have been far in between, which has made everything feel heaven like. Lately I've been reconnecting with some of my old friends. I've learned that I am very blessed to have such an understanding boyfriend, who is willing to work out any problem.