Work n Love

Those two words should go together...Love and Work because they just do. 

       The love I have for my daughter makes me work hard to provide n care for her. The love I have for her pushes me to work with her, to ensure that she learns right from wrong. I want to help her but I also know she needs to do things on her own. I am so in love with my little girl! Seeing her brings me great joy. Don't get me wrong, at times I'm frustrated with her; even angry but I still love her.

LaShai and I

       The love I share for her father is a different t kind of love yet it still requires work as well. Daily work. Sometimes to save from having a pity argument I hold my tongue and don't speak. Everything shouldn't be about winning or losing, in a relationship it should be about what's best. Now there are moments when I MUST speak up for my own sanity! Lol

         See if you don't want to work at the love you have then I feel bad for your partner. I've been there...doing all the work and feeling so alone. It is really not a good feeling at all. Some days I feel like I'm back at square one and doing everything alone, but I know that is truly not the case. Yet is seems that way at times. Things have been improving between my daughter's father and I; hopefully they will continue to improve. I know things won't go back to before I found out because a piece of me that truly loved him died that day, but I think it can be better than what it is now. I actually believe that this can only make us stronger..well make me stronger. Only time will tell and with much prayer my feelings towards him will be more positive than their current negative.

I'll keep ya updated on my progress! :)

Moving Forward...

        Sometimes life just gets hard but you gotta keep moving forward. Heart-break and torn but still moving on with life. Yes I want the lovely family photo and the good life but only time will tell.
       My daughter is now walking and we are all moving. Yes future hubby, wonderful daughter, n I shall be leaving Tally! So yes my life is about to change yet again but I'm ready. My mind is more open yet my heart is more closed but everything has it's gives n takes.....right?

Recap

Wow...things have really being picking up for me!!

So I have to hurry up and finish my test online so that I can start my training to become an assistant manager! I know exciting right?!? Well our computer is so sad at work, which means its going to take me longer to finish my test! The computer will freeze half way though my test or it'll keep repeating the same slides over and over again. Sometimes I reset the computer and other times I just give up!! This has been happening over the course of 3 weeks! I still have 8 more test to complete...I'll get it done!!

My love life has really been going in the right direction as well. We still have some bumps here and there but they have been far in between, which has made everything feel heaven like. Lately I've been reconnecting with some of my old friends. I've learned that I am very blessed to have such an understanding boyfriend, who is willing to work out any problem.

Sneeze!

Today....Today....Today

Hummm, kinda stuffy and my head feels like its under water! I keep having to swallow so hard, because my throat feels...funny. I actually don't know whats going on with my body any more these days. I think I have allergies, but now I'm not too sure. I could be getting sick because there is something going around, which would totally sux since the semester is almost over and I really need to study now!! Colds come at the worse times.

Besides that, today should be a great day! I'm going to make it a great day by smiling..even though I don't feel like it. There is research that that actually does help! The past few days have been a big blur, I didn't do much but study some here and there and play farmville on facebook. I'm beginning to slow down on facebook farmville, but they have this new thing called co-opt, which is so cool. So I've been on that for a while, trying to recruit people to help me grow some crops! I'm almost done with one and I'm just so thrilled! I'll update you on my progress!!

EX marks the Spot

I must study!! I really must, well I have been studying some but I need to step things up. My exam is tomorrow and its so much information! OMG! I'll get it most, big emphasis on most, of the information absorbed but not ALL of it.

Well the issue at hand is that my ex is having a party this Saturday to celebrate his birthday. Now normally I just wouldn't go and just chill-out at home, but I kind of actually want to go. Yet I don't want my current boyfriend to get upset or anything. He told me that he feels some type of way about him, but its a party! I mean its going to be tons of people so the likely hood of us having much interaction isn't even going to be in the equation. I'll go and sip on some great drinks and bring it back home...after all I do have work Sunday morning at 6am!!

I Choose....That One

Someone should have really told me that Love involves you putting work in. You can't think of yourself all the time and you have to be the bigger person in majority of the situations. Now in all actuality, it may feel like your always stepping to the side in situations when your partner may actually be thinking the same thing to themselves.

I'm at the point where I'm simpling choosing my fights and choosing my arguments. Some are just worthless and will get us no where. Those are the ones that I struggle to just let go, why? I've grown to discover that a part of me likes to be very argumentative, even in the smallest of disagreements. My boyfriend and I have only had two or three real arguments but we surly love having tiny disagreements. I like to think of arguments as being so violent, while disagreements just well it sounds better less serious! haha anyway I find myself just sighing to myself and just taking a deep breathe. It really does work and if you find yourself getting worked up, you should really try it! It has saved me from getting into a worthless argument many a time!

Please people just think before you speak and ask yourself....is this something that I really want to stand by? Is it that important to me? If your answer is yes, then by all means stand up and just say what is on your mind; but if it is not....well just take a deep breathe inward and just relax. Relax your voice and calm your nerves; especially if you see yourself being with this person for a long time and I mean a LONG time.

Moving Forward

It's like you can try as hard as you want but at the end of the day no one has any control in what is going to happen. Things change and yes they are suppose to but how well can you adapt to these changes. Well that is the real question at hand.

See for me I personally like change and I welcome it in many aspects of my life because I need a change to happen! I see flaws in myself that I know need to be what...CHANGED! Why I ask Oh Why can't other people see the flaws in themselves and strive to change them!! Is it so hard to say "Yes I need to change A and B about myself so that I can C a difference in my life." I'm assuming that the answer is yes it is hard.

I just hope that one day people would just wake up and welcome change in their life. Especially for those of us who see people everyday that walk around pointing out flaws in everyone else around them, and yet they have more flaws than all the people in the room combined!

Life Upside Down

The day has seem to drift by and I've some what drifted from being terribly excited to unnaturally bland... I guess it has something to do with my friends getting into a car accident as they were headed up here to visit for my birthday. The car flipped three times and they had to crawl out of the back seat window to get out since it settled upside down. Yet I'm just happy that they were not harmed, even though they have some slight scratches from the glass. Its great that they are doing well and just made it out with some bruising as well.

Yet I will say that I do appreciate life and am happy to be getting another year older. Life is so precious and in a second they could have been taken away. Wow thankfully they were not but it does make you ponder. I need to pick my life up and shake it a bit. Change somethings around and make changes for the better. Yes time to take care of myself better and make sure my car is up to date.

I just I have lost that excitement for my birthday...maybe it'll come back to me. Only time will tell.

Final Choice

Well well well....As a divorce is nearly right around the corner, things take a quick and even though its a slight change from the norm...it has everyone turning heads.

I guess after sometime, people either open their eyes and realize what they are about to lose on or they just give it up all together. Life has a way of showing people what it would be like without a person without actually taking them away completely. A sickness that leaves the person bedridden or an accident that leaves the person in a hospital. Why does it take actions such as these for a person to realize that they need to turn things around or they will be all by themselves. Even though I ask the question "Why" I'm still happy that we do have the opportunity to "see" or "experience" life altered if that person where no longer in it. After that we have the opportunity to either change the future for the better or just decided that life is better without that person. I prefer this slight altered lifestyle rather than having the person completely out of my life by the final way...death.

I'm sure that most of you out there would choose the first way because at least you have a option of fixing the situation and making it better.